The only time I'm going to talk about the asexuality thing:

I hate the term "ace."  I didn't know that was a thing until I met a girl in Hawaii who assumed I was asexual because I didn't want kids, and she would tell me all about her time on Aven dealing with other people who were "ace."  I had been to Aven before many years ago, but I guess "ace" wasn't a thing.

It sounds stupid.  Just my opinion.  Remember those ads from the 90s (and maybe they still make 'em) where some adults would try to be cool but fail totally and terribly?  Yeah, that's what I think of.  People trying to be cool or sound cool just by calling themselves "cool."

The asexual community annoys me kind of like the way the atheist community annoys me.  Sex and god are two things I barely dedicate any time to during the course of my year unless someone else brings them up and makes me think about such things or defend myself or whatever.  On an average day I'm not thinking about sex or god OR my lack of interest in either.  How often do you think about cockatiels and meatball subs?  It's kind of the same thing.  These things are not a part of my life.  If they were, I would spend more time thinking about them.




To me, you can't be a part of an asexual or atheist community without first acknowledging your lack of interest in the subject.  You are defining yourself by a lack of something, and therefore a participation in that community means that unless you're just sharing recipes for porridge or trading neat knitting techniques, you're dedicating a lot of thought to the thing you don't engage in.

Which is weird to me.

There's a point at which I want to know there are other people like me, and then there's a point where the circle jerk needs to stop.

Also, asexual people are fucking annoying.  There's that.  But so is just about any super-specialized subgroup of people.  Doll people tend to be annoying, furries, atheists, asexuals, the childfree, yaoi fans, anime fans, and so on.  These groups tend to be made up of people who NEED their super-special identity to feel unique.  And I've seen plenty of people shift their specialness goalposts to try to be even more yooneek than someone else in their subgroup.

It's sad.

The only way asexuals and atheists differ for me is that you need the word "asexual" to label yourself.  You could say, "I lack a sexual orientation," but there's a word for that.  My feelings on religion and god are far more or less complicated than saying "I don't believe in a god."  (Although I like the term "apatheist."  = "I don't care."  If there is a god, great.  If there isn't, that's fine too.  I live on earth and don't have the time or energy to worry about such things.)  Saying I'm an "atheist" just isn't accurate.


Now that I have all that out of the way, let's talk a little about BEING asexual.

It's weird.  I can tell you that much.

It's freeing to not be wrapped up in ideas of romance and the quest for sex, but you're still trapped in a world where a lot of people are into that, and where you'll get caught in the net when someone else is seeking a potential partner.  People tell me I'm an attractive person and that I should expect that kind of attention, but I hate getting it because I don't want people to waste their time.  And occasionally you deal with creepers to boot.  Fun times.  Also there are asexual people who yearn to be "normal" and will try to push themselves into relationships and whatnot.  So you might not necessarily get that free time.

It's annoying to reach an age where people just assume you're doing it all the time, and that you must be sexually active already.  As I get older and older this gets harder and harder to deal with.  A doctor asked me if I had painful intercourse and I was like, "I don't know and I'm not about to go try and find out."  People might try to shame you by suggesting you're sexually active (quelle horreur) and it would be not just stupid but ALSO inaccurate.

But just like I said, most of the time it's not something I think about.  I don't go, "Yep, still not attracted to anyone," every few days or hours or minutes.


And it has nothing to do with thinking people are pretty or not.  Aesthetics and sexytimes are two different things.  I've had really (sorry) fat, ugly dudes assume I must be open to relationships with them because I don't experience sexual attraction.  Asexual does not mean "blind."  There are also cats I find ugly and cats I find adorable.  People are the same.  You can appreciate how something or someone looks without wanting to have sex with it/him/her.

It also has nothing to do with hormones or physiology or virgin status or masturbation or horniness or depression.  Or--and this is for that girl--whether you want kids or not.

And now I think I've said all I need to say about that.