Don't Be That Guy

So this is a little social etiquette lesson for the menfolk.

And before the MRAs all come in with their faces purple and fists shaking, no, I'm not talking to EVERY GUY.

Just the guys who do this.

If you don't do this?  Fantastic!  Your parents learned ya good!

If you are one of the folks I'm talking about, then that's good too!  You now have NO EXCUSE to continue this behavior because you know it's fucking irritating!

Great!  Let's move on ...




There are men in the world who think that They are more important than Whatever a Woman is Doing. So the woman is reading a book or doing homework or listening to music, and the guy walks up or even sits next to her and just starts talking.

"What are you listening to?"

"What did people do before cell phones?"

"Isn't it such a shame that people don't have face-to-face conversations anymore?"

And so on.

Guy.  Let me tell you.  The answer to all of those questions is:  "Fuck off."

When a woman is doing something in public, whether it's reading a book, writing a poem, or playing with her iPhone, there's probably a reason for that.  Maybe she needs to get away from her roommates for a while.  Maybe she gets more inspiration outside.  Maybe she wanted fresh air or a change of scenery.  Or lunch.  Or coffee.  Maybe she finds her home too distracting when she's trying to finish something (I know this is my problem most of the time).  But whatever the reason is for her engaging in some kind of work or hobby outside of her home, I can bet you that one of the reasons is not "I want a man to start talking to me about what I'm doing."

I do a lot of writing.  When I go out to do my writing, whether that's at Starbucks or out on the deck or in the break room before work, I am not wearing a blinking, neon sign over my head that says, "HEY GUYS, BOTHER ME."  But I guess I should be, because evidently the fact that I'm doing something is a big indication to some guys that I would rather talk to some dude instead.  Let me tell you, it's hard to get them to go away.  One guy at work has latched onto me and decided that I should do nothing but answer his 20,000 Questions About Me.  I want to work on my writing or translating, but he wants to talk.  And he will shake the table and stick his hand in my face if I refuse to look up.

I live with a 3-year-old right now.  She's similar.  She's also THREE YEARS OLD.  They're known for being pretty egocentric.  A 26-year-old man should know better.

And you know, it's not my job to teach you how to behave.  It's your job to act like an adult and realize that the universe does not revolve around you.  So hopefully this PSA will help you to Not Be That Guy.  If you see a woman doing something by herself in a coffee shop or on a park bench, don't take that as an invitation.  The fact that she's alone does not mean she is lonely and wanting your attention.

And if you're so lonely that you're resorting to chatting up strangers (women, because I guarantee you're not chatting up guys), please just wear a sign that says, "I'm sad and lonely.  Talk to me."  The world will be a better place for it.  And I won't be forced to deal with you when I really want to get shit done.