Yep. Ladypeople know what I'm talking about here. If you're not a ladyperson then you may not appreciate what I'm about to say.
(It has to do with menstruation. And vaginas. And me. You're warned.)
My periods are killer. I don't know why, but they basically equate to my uterus trying to murder me. As a kid this would put me out of commission all the time, and I went home from school sick more than once (okay, twice--but I also spent the rest of the day in the nurse's office a couple of times too). The worst was just the pain, which felt like my innards were exploding, but there was also the fun of heavy bleeding, severe mood swings, hot flashes/night sweats, diarrhea, vomiting, and passing out in a ladies room until two girls found me and drove me to my car across campus. Hurrayyyyy.
At 19 I finally saw someone about it, went on the pill, and everything got normal. My gynecologist and I decided that it was just in my best interest to not have periods. Not even the ones you get on the pill (which are not real and not necessary). Those are almost as bad for me, except that the bleeding is lighter. That is the only way they're different.
So I've been on any number of pills/rings since 2003. Including painkillers like Celebrex and Bextra. Go me. Go hormones. Yahoo.
Sometimes my body does funky stuff. Surprising, right? Sometimes I'll be fine, and sometimes I'll just start spotting and keep spotting for a couple of weeks. The only way to right this is to skip pills, and since I'm not taking them for their baby-dissolving properties, I skip a few days and go back to business. Buuuuut this means having a period. A fake period. That stupid, withdrawal bleeding "period" that makes me hurt.
Like today. I didn't take my pill yesterday or today, so I expected something to happen either today or tomorrow. And ... it ... kind of happened today.
I was sitting in training and all of a sudden I felt like someone had stabbed me in the uterus and sliced me all the way up to my neck. Radiating pain, I guess. It happened a few times, and I knew stuff was happening. Baaaad stuff.
And then that sensation. And this is what the ladypeople know--that sensation that, "Ohshit, my period started." And doing the walk of shame to the area where we keep our bags and grabbing my cosmetic case in full view of everyone and walking to the bathroom only to find ... nothing. Yep, nothing. Nada. My body just chose that particular moment to have a "stuff coming out of my vagina" sensation that went on for, oh, an hour or so. And there wasn't even any visible discharge.
Wtf.
Just another reason I'm glad I am in total control of this situation to the degree that I am, and glad I don't do this every month. I can't just sit around waiting for my uterus to turn on the faucet and get to bleedin'. Or run to the bathroom every time I feel squidgy. And for some reason this always happens around a period. I might feel the normal mucus stuff seeping out every so often, but if I'm expecting a period it's always way more pronounced and constant than before. And then, most of the time, I go to check ... and nothing.
By the way, all of this is part of the reason that I hate those "moon blood womb goddess" types who love their periods because they're a symbol of femininity.
No. It's a symbol of PAIN, DECEIT and DIARRHEA.
Yep.
Also, feel free to use that for your next album title. Might also work for a song title.
