My body is not known for its consistency.
You can talk about "diet and exercise" all you want. I was super-active as a kid and got up to nearly 150 despite that. I believe my weight before heading off to Japan was 145.
After returning from Japan roughly 7-8 weeks later, my weight was around 125.
The second time I went to Japan long-term, I dropped from around 125 to 110. I didn't have a scale with me, so I'm not sure when exactly this happened. But ... it happened. Maybe a few months in I started to notice that, yet again, my pants were too big.
That stayed pretty constant, even after I got back from Japan. Then, when I got super-duper-sick, I dropped to about 104. My doctor put me on prednisone and I shot up to about 120 within a month.
Since then it's gradually gone up and down and all over the place. I haven't had a car for ages and my diet is pretty healthy. I have problems with filling up too quickly, so I don't eat tons, but then I would still gain weight. And then maybe lose a little. I was 117 when I left Japan. Then I went on a generic for one of my pills and I was 126. And from then I would lose and then gain a little and ...
Sometime in the last four months I gained 15 pounds. Didn't change my eating habits, and at the bare minimum I'm walking 2 miles per day due to the bus. That is, I might get more exercise than that, but every day that is the smallest amount of exercise I get.
I'm already on a gluten-free, low sugar diet. Ironically I had started eating more fruits and veg at the beginning of the year, around when the weight zoomed right on. I don't drink sugary drinks or pretend-sugary drinks. Can't really eat fast food and I don't eat out much due to the cross-contamination fears. If I sit and count my calories, I'm eating 1500-2000 calories in a day, which is what I should be eating.
It's hard to get in extra exercise-just-for-the-sake-of-exercise because I have so little free time in the day. I walk at least 2 miles due to the bus, though. Some days it's 3 or 4 or 5 if I need to go to a store. I thought about joining a gym, but there's only one near my workplace (none near home), and that one is really expensive. Can't do much outside anymore due to the blisters I've started getting after about 20 minutes in the sun. I'm trying to get in a good 20-30 minutes of exercise at home, and for this minimal effort I'm seeing a loss of about .2 pounds per day.
I'm not sure what my body's problem is. I guess it's clear that there's some kind of issue that goes beyond "food and activity." My ladyproblems never sounded like PCOS, and the one time I had a thyroid test it was "normal" (that was about 7 years ago and three prednisone prescriptions ago, however--I literally have just about all the symptoms of hypothyroidism). I don't have diabetes. A doctor told me I sounded like I had "too much adrenaline," but I've never had any tests for that.
It just seems like something is out of whack. I shouldn't be this tired all the time, and it shouldn't be possible to gain that much weight that quickly. Or lose it, for that matter. At least a little bit is coming off when I exercise more. That's promising. But considering how stupid my body is, I don't know how promising it can really be.
*ahem* So the next time you tell a fat person that they just need to exercise and eat right ... god, I wish it were always that simple. I'm not even "fat" but I could easily get there if I wasn't so hyper-vigilant about fitting into my pants. And now I understand why people get anorexia. Except, instead of feeling like I need control over *something* in my life, it's like I want control over ONE ELEMENT of my body. I can't control my stomach, bowels, ladybits, eyes, skin, etc. etc. Can I at least control my own fucking WEIGHT?
(No.)
I could tell from yesterday's post that something like this was bubbling up. Very Kyolicious-y.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a lot invested in your outfits? Maybe you should let yourself go for a while until you level off then see how you feel and where you want to go from there? You know, finding your default normal weight and subtracting from there or something... Or do you think it's possible you'd completely lose control? 0.0. I'm not a fitness coach =P.
Although I've never had the time to pursue either other than extremely casually, Yoga and Tai Chi are very relaxing and a lot of fun =D. I'd defiantly recommend he laid back approach.
Hmmm, I guess I'll add "a stable metabolism" on my list of things to be thankful for.
Yesterday's post was sparked by watching Mean Girls 2. Which is a terrible, terrible movie.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately it doesn't seem like I have a "default normal weight." I gained like crazy in my early teens, then lost all that weight in Japan or being sick or both. My weight was pretty stable from late 2003 to late 2005 (when I went on prednisone), and I always feel like being on prednisone messes up my metabolism and it takes me a long time to recover. No matter what I did it would creep up and up and up after the prednisone, and then in 2008 or so my body finally remembered how to lose weight again. Again, it was about a 20 pound loss, and again it was something I didn't really make any effort to control.
"Letting go" was essentially what I've been doing. I didn't own a scale and could only tell something was up because my pants didn't fit right and I had to buy new pants. Then something happened and I was able to fit into most of my old pants again. I do have a lot of clothes and would definitely prefer to be able to wear them again, and not have to buy new stuff because I can't wear the old stuff. It's depressing for so many reasons ...
In January I wanted to take up kickboxing, but that didn't happen because it was regularly in the single digits outside and I didn't have a car. And now my fatigue has gotten worse and I STILL don't have a car. I bought a bicycle, but that was right around the time my energy levels dropped, and I've only ridden it once (and that was difficult due to all the hills). I keep wanting to join a gym or a martial arts class, but the car situation makes it impossible. And talking to my mom is like talking to a wall sometimes.
I need to go to see the doctor soon about some other stuff, and I have a follow-up with my gastro next month. And maybe I can get ONE of them to run 8 bajillion tests for me. When I told my doctor that my hair was unusually brittle, he just said, "DUH, IT'S WINTER," so I don't know how seriously he'll take me if I say I gained a bunch of weight in a very short amount of time. (And my hair is STILL brittle.)
You know it's probably worth noting this past winter you were cursing the cold weather and now that its finally warmed up, you can't go out in the sun anymore. I know you're aware of the Irony but it just had to be said. XD
ReplyDeleteIs it safe to go out around sundown? Maybe you could take a short walk, climb one of those hills and sit and watch the sunset. That's an extremely Gothic thing to do. Just make sure to escape before the mosquitoes get you! =]
The blisters first showed up over the winter, so I didn't even realize the sun connection until I could spend a bit more time outside. I moved here from Hawaii--no lack of sun there--so it's odd that I now have a problem with sunlight. And annoying. My dad developed a sun allergy over the last few years, so it's extra-weird. My blisters show up next-day usually, but his spring up immediately.
ReplyDeleteYay, weird sunlight issues. I guess I need to move to Seattle.
You make the hills sound so romantic. Unfortunately they aren't mini-mountains so much as "the road refuses to be flat." Some parts of town have it worse than others, but there's nothing particularly steep in my quadrant. It's just enough to make a bike trip or walk with groceries kind of miserable. You don't get very high. You just get less low.
Campus has a nice view (surely there's a bench somewhere), but campus is over an hour away. That's the Midwest for you. Everything be FAR and public transportation be SUCKY.
Oh god, and the mosquitoes. I'm not looking forward to that. Another thing that isn't consistent is my body being allergic to mosquito bites. Sometimes I'm not, and sometimes I am very very very very ... (Fuck you, immune system. Figure your shit out.)
O.O To be having difficulties with such a minor obstacle, that's like Multiple sclerosis levels of tiredness Kyo. Have you tried drinking Red Bull or those 5 hour energy drinks? (Maybe a few small sips if an entire bottle gets you too wired ^_^) I swore by those drinks back when I was doing a lot of running around. They're actually pretty good. In fact, Thanks for reminding me! Why, I could still be drinking them right now even though I have no reason to! =D
ReplyDeleteEveryone says their sunset is the best/is special... The most beautiful one I've ever seen was waiting at a gate in the Seoul International Airport. The sky turns purple and it sets behind a mountain. Perfectly clear and epic from beginning to end. Very lucky people, not only for the Dolls! XD.
Nice trick with the the spacing BTW =].
This has been a problem for over a decade. I'm sure at one point I blamed it on the bleeding, but taking iron or going into remission for a while never fixed it. Vitamins don't fix it. Caffeine doesn't fix it. Exercise (which is hard enough when you're so tired you just want to get back into bed the moment you get home) doesn't fix it. Food doesn't fix it. Various supplements don't fix it. I've had iron and ferritin issues, but those went away. No one knows why I have macrocytosis, but that doesn't necessarily cause fatigue. A doctor suggested I had fibromyalgia, but ... I mean, my whole body is sore. Of course the "tender points" are sore. Everything is sore all the time.
ReplyDeleteThe terrain here isn't really ... a "minor" obstacle. It's a lot of uphill, downhill, uphill, downhill. Probably one reason I see few people on bicycles. (Not to mention that it's dangerous.) It's not as bad on foot, though trudging half a mile uphill with 20 pounds of groceries isn't really the easiest thing ever. It's a little over a mile to one supermarket nearby, and the trip is "uphill both ways." It's kind of frustrating. That's also where the nearest gym is, and it's near the martial arts place as well. So if I want to exercise I would have to brave the hills AND deal with the hills on the way back.
I need to move somewhere flatter. Or get my car back.
I need to hear something reassuring Kyo... Of all the constantly deteriorating health complaints, Fatigue is the most worrying and difficult for me to read. Will you be able to get it under control? Do you have faith that modern medicine will be able to figure out what's wrong and do what it should this time?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry but I can't help but fear it may one day reach a point where you're so fatigued literally all you'll be able to do is complain. =,[
I don't know what else to say. Please be safe.
BTW I liked the big sunglasses. They gave the Ayumi Hamasaki vibe.
You mean, I might get to that point where I literally can't do anything? I hope not, but I worry I may reach that point. I have a hard enough time getting to work in the morning as it is.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that fatigue is a symptom of everything. A side effect of everything. And doctors don't take it very seriously. They tend to just throw sleeping pills at me, and don't stop to think about a cause.
Unless unbeknownst to me you've found someone to look after you now that you're approaching your ummm early middle years, It doesn't seem like it's something you're preparing for.
ReplyDeleteYou're just gonna keep doing what you've been doing and deal with it when it happens? Fight through the fatigue as you always do, It's not gonna be too much?
I guess ... I don't understand what you think it entails to "prepare" for the future.
ReplyDelete-I go to the doctor for checkups and when I feel ill
-I stay on top of my prescriptions
-I stay on top of testing/screenings (just had a ton of blood drawn today, in fact)
-I exercise every day and eat relatively healthy, avoiding excess sugar, caffeine and alcohol
-I stick to the gluten free diet I'm stuck on
-I always wear a seat belt and look both ways before I cross the street
-I have health insurance
-I have a stable job history and good references
-I have two good GPAs
-I have a savings account I don't touch
-I don't get into drunken brawls or go drag racing
I feel pretty prepared for life. The only way I could be more prepared is if I were renting a room in the house of a gastroenterologist.
Forgive me Kyo. But you do a lot of complaining and sometimes you give the impression that you're hurting and I tend to over romanticize things. I should know better. You panic me when you talk like that, sorry I just care XD. I'll be more careful next time, I promise I won't do it again.
ReplyDeleteHmmm I was just thinking about how much I hate wearing a seat belt. So uncomfortable. This is America It should be a choice right? =P
Complaining is just ... therapeutic. Am I sort of miserable? Yeah, sure. It sucks to be in pain and sick and tired most of the time. But you just work through it and live as best as you can, ya know? I was just worried that you had some idea that all I did was spend money on dolls (I only wish) or something like that!
ReplyDeleteSeat belts are pretty crappy. In my experience they don't work well if you're not tall and they don't work well if you have boobs. I've been in two accidents, and I liked having the seat belt keep me from flying around inside the car, but they could certainly be more comfortable for those times when you're *not* being smashed into.
You know, I could read you some of my list too but it would be too much like bragging compared to yours >=] (except maybe the high GPA thing! XD) buuuuut I am still extremely jealous of your Dollfies...
ReplyDeleteI had today off 0.0 and aside from just being lazy and downloading a bunch of things, I'd been spending all day entertaining the idea of going broke spending money on a something, funny you should mention it. I've always wanted a black wedding dress =3. *Yawn* but It's getting late and I'm getting tired.
Good night Kyo.